Porma 185

I keep my memory palace very clear in my head so when I'm struggling to live, I remember that moment and I get back to surviving.

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It's summer and I'm finally meeting the man of my life after a few months just knowing him online, after some fights and after he letting me in again. 

I'm nervous and I walk fast because I'm a little late and it pisses me off, it's so hot I get on the corner of the ice cream shop all sweaty. I try to see him inside and I wait for the traffic so I can cross the street but it takes longer than all the way I've made it so far.

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I step into shop and I see him and for a second he doesn't see me. He's sitting in the bench under the stairs and he holds his phone anxiously. The moment he sees me, he stands and lights up the place, he smiles at me, we hug. We just smile and hug. I can sense his smell and his hair on my face and I'm so happy. For a moment when we separate, he tries to kiss me and I don't aloud.

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We sit and I keep saying 'I'm sorry I'm all sweaty' and we just stare at each other. He tries to make a conversation by telling me how easy it was for him to get there even as a tourist. I say we should get out ice creams and I buy us both while he's looking at the flavors, he doesn't realize what I just did and tries to buy one more. I guess we could have eaten three ice creams after all, it wouldn't be bad.

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We go upstairs in this lovely room and we sit on the sofa and we talk. I don't remember anything we said. I do remember he made a mess with his ice cream, even messing up the floor and couldn't fix it. I laughed and he was ashamed.

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As we finish, we stand up. He turns to me. He kisses me. I feel his skin, he couldn't really embrace me cause his hands wore occupied, but it felt so good. As I touch him, I remember everything that I've ever felt about him.

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We walked. We found a cemetery in the way to another store and we entered and it was the best date of my life. He looks at me like I'm the one person he wants the most in the world, I look at him like he's the one person I love the most in the world. I've never felt more appreciated than in that moment, even with the fact that we wore lost in a cemetery and it was burning hot and we didn't know what to do with ourselves, each one of us alone or us both together.

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I don't remember saying goodbye. I never do, my mind erases that difficult part so I don't relive again like I do with everything else. From that day, I created this memory palace, and it helps me get through hard times. It looks like a simple date, it smells like cinnamon, it sounds like traffic, it tastes like vanilla ice cream and it feels like a hug from someone you've always wanted and needed, and never knew.